like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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