I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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