How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
