Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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