just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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