Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
