oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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