Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize