dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
