Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
