i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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