My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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