genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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