i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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