i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
