once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
