Umm I'm too high to move.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
