trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
