okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
