I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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