the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize