First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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