Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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