your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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