Old men and throwing up are my life now.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
