xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
