I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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