this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
