we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
