I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
