She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize