i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Mom said you looked used
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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