i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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