so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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