I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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