It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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