I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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