Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
