Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
