he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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