Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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