No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize