if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i will never coherently bang her
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
