someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
