dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
