I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize