your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
