R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
