You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
