South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
