dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
