i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's rum buckets o'clock
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
