so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
