His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
