I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
