dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
