Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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