one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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