here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
