also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All the doctor said was why
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
