Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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