Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
