walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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