New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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