If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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