your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
