Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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