I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
