Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
