I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
