I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just had sex on a roof
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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