he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
