I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
