Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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