i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
