You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
