If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize