then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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