sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
