I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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