You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize