It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
