i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
