so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
